Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Hollywood; stay out of my childhood memories. Pt 1

Hi Fellow nerds,

First off I would like to apologize for the lack of updates, been a busy weekend. But anyways on with the show. This is going to be more of a rant than a review so I sincerely hope some of can empathize and relate. Some of you may or may not have been around for the 80's and even early nineties to remember some of these wonderful toys and movies that I am going to mention and if not I hope you will wikipedia them and find out more. So without further procrastination lets get on with the rant!.


Now I know a lot of you know Ghostbusters and I sincerely hope you do or your nerd title must be revoked. This classic of a movie was made in the late 80's by Ivan Reitman (lets not mention some of his other movies), starring Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd, Harold Ramis and Sigourney Weaver just to name a few. Of course the name suggests that they went around capturing ghosts and charging people for the service. They end up saving the city of New York from a giant marshmallow man and some dyke looking bird in skin tight Lycra and a extreme haircut that looks like a ironing board. The movie has memorable lines and a well written script. They made a successful toy line, comics and cartoon series, hell they even made a sequel (which in my opinion was not as good) which I fondly remember. I had loads of the toys and comics, I enjoyed every second of it and remains one of my most fond childhood experiences. So why am I ranting about this great franchise? well...they are planning Ghostbusters 3. I just hope to god they do not mess this one up. I hear rumor that the original cast are signed or going to sign up for it (with the exception of Rick Moranis and maybe Bill Murray). Ivan Reitman is back directing and Harold Ramis and Dan Ackroyed writing the script. I hope I really do that they remain faithful and do not allow Hollywood to destroy this great franchise as they have done with so many other's. I am worried about this project.

Rage meter: 50%


Holy fuck, where can I start with this great franchise. Again this was created in the 80's by Hasbro (correct me if I am wrong here fellow nerds) as a hugely successful toy line. I had so many of these toys from Gen 1 and still do. I remember having epic battles between the Autobots and Decepticons, hell they even managed to destroy the Millennium Falcon and crush Darth Vader under foot. I would spend many a day hold up in my room only limited by my imagination. There was times I would transform Megatron into that awesome sniper rifle and pretend to shoot my neighbors out of the window. I remember watching the movie over and over again weeping like a little girl because Optimus Prime dies, watching wide eyed as Unicron destroyed planets. I read the comics over and over again also, reading in horror as zombie transformers came back to life. Any self respecting 80's kid loved the Transfomers and transformed many into the nerds we know today. So here I am in my early 30's still going misty eyed at the thought of those gone by memories. I whooped with joy when I first heard they was finally going to do a live action movie, then my heart sank when I heard about the useless fuck that was directing it. Yes that is right, Michael fucking boom boom Bay. What where they thinking? we are talking about the same useless self righteous jackass that made the obnoxious pile of horse vomit that was Bad Boys and Pearl Harbor.


I honestly think he didnt give two squirts of piss about the franchise. He probably lost track of what he was doing while he was banging some anorexic bitches in his five story trailer. He must have thought "I know, I am going to find the most idiotic bimbo who cant act and drape her across Bumblebee and hope people dont notice what a god awefull pile of shallow shit I am making. OH OH I know like always I am going to dazzle my audience with some fucking huge explosions..yeah BOOM BOOM MOTHA FUCKA'S". So what did we end up with? Shia LeBouf an babbling rectal cavity who is trying to get in Meagan Fox's STD infested panties. Bumblebee who for some unknown reason chooses these two idiots to save the world from the menace that is the Decepticons and plays match maker. Finally what brings my piss to a boil is Optimus Prime. There is a scene where Shithead LeBouf and Meagan Slut is trying to find these fucking glasses and the Autobots are "hiding" in his garden from his parents. Yeah giant fucking robots prancing around trying to avoid the parents who somehow dont notice. Anyways Optimus Prime steps on something which smashes and he says this...and I quote..."Oh my bad"....Optimus Prime, the biggest bad ass this side of Cybertron saying my bad! WHAT THE FUCK!. I know they was trying to reach to a new audience but come on...they are a robotic race from out of space and he says my bad. Its like the writers could not think of something intelligent to say, its like the writer spilled something on the script and was like "oh dur whoops my bad!...hey hang on hur hur hur this would be funny *scribble scribble*). So again we ended up with my childhood memories marred by this unintelligent mess for the masses. In its defense they did try and bring the franchise to a new audience and it worked. It sparked a new toy line (which is terrible and will let my good friend Chris review those) and a upcoming game War For Cybertron (which looks badass). So I am glad for the renewed interest in this franchise and hopefully bringing new memories for the new generation of children as I once did back then. But...this brings me to Transformers 2...and oh boy what can I say about this? you will just have to wait for Part 2.

Rage meter:88%

1 comment:

  1. I would like to say I am sorry about the crass and unintelligent humor contained in this article. I got so raged so I a apologize. PT2 wont be as bad I swear! well maybe...